When Christians Break up
“If love was a plane, nobody'd get on.” At least that’s the way that Brad Paisley put the truth that most of our dating relationships don’t end in “happily ever after”. Imagine seriously if you board a plane and the pilot said over the intercom, “Good afternoon folks, just a heads up before we disembark, there’s about a 60% chance that this plane will be going down today.” You’d panic and you’d drive everywhere for the rest of your life.
While there’s no perfect research, some studies have estimated that as low as single digit percentages of relationships end with the couple tying the knot. So how should Christians behave when a relationship comes to an end?
While scripture doesn’t give us an example of the end of dating relationship, other than an almost for Mary and Joseph, Acts chapter 15 does give us an insight on what to do when a relationship changes or shifts.
The story is of Paul and Barnabas who were traveling around, preaching about Jesus and planting churches together. Paul suggested that they go and visited some of the churches they had helped start but Barnabas insisted that his cousin John-Mark come along with them. Paul was not keen on this idea because on a previous trip John-Mark had abandoned them. This disagreement was too great for the men to work through so they went their separate ways.
We don’t know that either one was “in the wrong” here, just that they saw things very differently. I believe it’s important we understand that Christians are allowed to disagree. There are parts of our faith that are foundational truths but there are many other things that we have the freedom to see differently. Seriously, there are Christians who cheer for the Yankees!
Matthew 18 tells us how our relationships change when someone is walking in un-repentant sin, here in this story we see how we should live when we go our separate ways from someone who we used to walk side by side with. When applied to our dating life, we see that when Christians break up, we should be clear about our differences and we should continue in Christian Love.
It’s important that we have a clean break. Here in this story Paul and Barnabas go their separate ways. There was a disagreement and they honestly expressed their difference. One of the keys to navigating relationships in a way that honors God is that we are honest even when it’s difficult.
As Christians our relational lives MUST be built on honesty. When our relationships begin we should be clear and honest. The same is true when they end. Christians shouldn’t ghost, or come up with excuses about why they are shifting their relationship with someone. Obviously, kindness is still a fruit of the Spirit and is applicable to how we share this truth, but to be honest with someone is to love them.
When we walk through breakups we need to be clear and to give ourselves and the other person personal and emotional space to process their feelings. Sometimes we live in dishonesty because we don’t want to endure this hardship but I believe that God is at work even in our difficult moments to bring forth good.
To hear the end of this story, or maybe the epilogue, you have to jump to Colossians 4:10. Paul writes, “Aristarchus, my fellow prisoner, sends you greetings, as does Mark, Barnabas’s cousin (concerning whom you have received instructions: if he comes to you, welcome him)”.
Paul still honors John-Mark as his brother in Christ. Paul recognized, as we should that even if we disagree and go our separate ways we’re still called to love others as Christ does. Paul didn’t turn to bitterness or hate. He didn’t allow jealousy to spoil his spirt.
Paul chose to honor Barnabas and John-Mark and the same is true for us. Just as we are called to honor those we date, we are even called to show honor to those who we used to date. Revenge isn’t our job! Proving them wrong isn’t for us to do. Even if they’re in the wrong, we still treat them well.
