5 Keys to Christ-Centered Relationships.
Lately, I’ve been playing a video game. Now, something you need to understand about video games is that I’m not good at them. I didn’t really grow up playing, so I’m not always the best at figuring out what they want me to do. Half the time, I find myself just kind of feeling my way around the map, trying to figure out what the next move is.
I think for many people, especially followers of Jesus, dating can feel this way. A study by Pew Research found that 47% of US adults say dating has gotten harder in the last 10 years. Of single and looking adults, 75% say their dating life is not going well, and 75% say it’s somewhat or very difficult to find people to date.
I believe that as followers of Jesus, this can be even more difficult. So, what do God-honoring Christian relationships look like? How should Christians date? In Christ-centered relationships, we follow Jesus, guard holiness, share joy, give of ourselves, and prepare for marriage.
I believe Paul’s letter to the Ephesians outlines what healthy Christian relationships should look like within the context of a church community and with a mindset leading towards marriage. Ephesians chapter 5 begins with Paul instructing them to be imitators of God. Our love for others begins with our love for God. This is why it’s so important that our relationships only be with people who are followers of Jesus.
Our relationship will never honor God if it’s not built on a relationship with God. We love people who don’t know Jesus, but we shouldn’t pursue dating relationships with them. That should be our first question to anyone we would potentially be in a relationship with.
The gospel changes how we see everything: our perspective of people, time, life, death, and all of the issues that face us in the world shifts when we understand Jesus’ love for us. If our closest relationship is with someone who is not following Jesus, they’re never going to encourage us as we follow Him. Ultimately, they’re going to pull us away from that relationship.
Paul continues that our relationship should be one that dwells in the light. He challenges the church to stay away from the sexually immoral, impure, and greedy, along with a list of other things he tells us not to partner with people like that. The question for us is if our relationship is drawing us towards sin. Obviously, within the context of dating relationships, there will always be a challenge to guard against sexual sin, but even more so, our relationships should be ones that do not pull us into any sinful or not God-honoring behavior.
People we date should be people that don’t encourage us to be disobedient or to tell lies or pull us into situations where we are caused to compromise any of our values.
Ephesians 5:19 tells us that we should be encouraging towards one another. This is the case for a Christ-honoring relationship. It should encourage you. It should build you up. This doesn’t mean relationships won’t have challenges, but that the general tone should be one that is joy-filled.
A God-honoring relationship isn’t full of negativity. Proverbs 21:9 in the Message translation says, “Better to live alone in a tumbledown shack than share a mansion with a nagging spouse.” This should cause us to take note of the tone in which we speak to people that we would potentially date and how they speak towards others and about others.
Paul continues his instructions to the church, telling them to submit to one another. This is a sign of spiritual health amongst believers. This passage has been twisted many times to tell women that they are in some way subservient or less than men, but before Paul gives his instructions to those who are married, he tells each member of the church to submit in love to one another.
As followers of Jesus, we should be people who put the needs of others before ourselves—certainly in the relationships that are most important in our lives. We should be seeking to serve and honor the other person.
Paul concludes his instructions in this chapter by addressing married couples. And I believe this should inform our mindset around godly dating relationships. That ultimately they can end in marriage. It is a good thing to desire marriage, and while it is important that as students we don’t become obsessed with a season of life that we are not in, we should consider anyone that we are in a serious relationship with if they would be someone that we would potentially marry at that stage in our life.
If you or someone you know feels lost, like they are feeling their way through life, not knowing how to find direction in dating, there is hope for you. God has designed us for relationships and wants us to flourish within the context of our relationships. That flourishing only comes when we surrender to His ways and submit our lives to what He has called us to.
